TUESDAY
By Rachel Knapp
Are you one of those people who roll with the punches? You pop right back up when you get knocked down? I wish that was me.
Those close to me will confirm that I’m not an easy-going, bounce-back kind of girl. When called out for my overly-emotional reaction to a minor problem, I’m known to declare in a too-loud voice, “I am a delicate flower!”
It occurred to me that I have something to share about resilience that shows it’s not about being blessed with thick skin.
We’ll have to go back, way-way back to the early seventies. The hippie, free-love, let’s experiment with mind-altering drugs era, and both my parents were deep into it. When they split up, my father abandoned my sister and I in favor of his freedom-from-all-restraints lifestyle, leaving us to be raised by a mom with a permanently LSD-damaged mind. When she refused medication that helped her function, I endured at least six foster homes in eleven years.
The redemptive part of this story is that I loved Jesus from a very young age, thanks to Christian foster parents.
Fast-forward to a few years ago, when I reconnected with my dad over an on-line Scrabble game. In time we communicated more and more. I visited him in Austin several times. I shared Jesus. He rejected Jesus. He mocked me for my faith. I kept sharing. He kept rejecting.
Around this time last year, my father became very sick. He started calling me at all hours, sometimes over twenty times a day. Begging for prayer. Asking me to read Psalm 23. When he announced he was ready to give his life to Jesus, I was floored.
Last fall, my dad died. Because I grew up with an absentee father, I was shocked at how instantly was I plunged into a pit of dark grief. The mind-numbing pain went on for weeks, and at times I felt like I was losing it. For the first time in my life, I considered abusing alcohol to anesthetize my uncomfortable feelings. Instead, I clung to the Lord, crying out to him and asking for help. My heavenly father was right there, and He led me to resources that helped me begin to heal instead of just cope.
Through this, I learned what resilience really is. It’s not having an innate toughness. I don’t have that. Resilience is proved by action, not feelings. No matter how much life hurts, it’s holding onto the one who can heal your wounds. The Good Shepherd who will pick you up and carry you through it. Just like in the passage my dad asked me to read over and over,
“Even though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, FOR YOU ARE WITH ME.” Psalm 23:4a (ESV)
Like me, you most likely have faced very hard things. You are sure to endure even more devastating loss. People and human institutions will let you down in huge ways. Will you cling to the Lord no matter what you feel? That is a resilient faith.