MONDAY
Last week we started our week by identifying how the phrase, “I’m sorry” can be one of the most difficult things to say. This statement implies sin and offense committed by us that needs to be confessed and repented of. We, of course, don’t like to do this. Yet it should be something Christians, of all people, are getting better at. This week we are going to explore maybe the second most difficult thing to say.
“I forgive you.”
In response to the statement, “I’m sorry,” by the offending party, the offended party is to respond by saying, “I forgive you.” In fact, we should give others forgiveness even when they don’t apologize.
Scripture, everywhere, implores us to forgive. Jesus talks about it a lot and we will look at those throughout the week. But today, Paul tells the church at Ephesus to forgive one another.
Ephesians 4:31-32 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
This is in the context of how we should talk to one another. So the negative imperatives of v. 31 are getting at the motives of our heart that lead us to sin in our speech. Bitterness, anger, rage, brawling, slander and malice are most often the results of offenses committed against us. Instead of allowing offenses to produce anger, bitterness and malice in our hearts we are called to be kind and compassionate to one another. We do this by forgiving each other.
The broader context of these imperatives is the transformation from our old nature to our new nature in Christ.
Ephesians 4:20–24 20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
So the bitterness, anger, rage, brawling, slander and malice are a part of our old nature. We are not to live in those anymore. Now, in Christ, our response to the offenses committed against us is to forgive.
Forgiveness unburdens our souls from toxic diseases like bitterness, anger, and resentment. We must recognize our desire to be angry when we are offended. This is why we love to watch media that tells a story of someone getting vengeance and giving the offending party “what they deserve”. This may be entertaining, but it is not the way of Jesus. This appeals to our sinful human nature, not our new nature in Christ. Romans 12:19 says, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” I love Western movies and they play on this theme a lot, sometimes in a good way but often in a way that appeals to our wrong nature. We believe vengeance will satisfy but it is only furthering evil. The solution to evil is not more evil. Corrie ten Boom said, “Forgiveness is the key which unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of bitterness.”
Now, I know that there are very real offenses and hurts represented by those reading or listening to this devotional: sexual abuse, adultery, emotional abuse by a father or mother, to name a few. This approach may seem to be too simplistic and a little naive. How can this be the answer to such horrible offenses committed against one another? Let me clear up a couple of misunderstandings about forgiveness.
- Forgiveness is not denying the wrong done to you and the hurt you are feeling. It is the opposite. To forgive is to acknowledge and confront the reality of the offense and hurt and choose to release the offending party from the debt that they owe you from that offense and hurt. In forgiveness you are choosing not to exact from them the same offense and pain that they gave you.
- Forgiveness is an act of the will on the part of the offended party. You may not feel it before it your grant it. It is not the same as reconciliation. It will hopefully lead to reconciliation. Forgiveness is a solo act. Reconciliation is a duo act. Biblically there are two aspects of forgiveness: 1. an inner forgiveness that the individual does (Mark 11:25) and 2. a forgiveness that is to lead to reconciliation (Luke 17:3-4).
- Forgiveness does not necessarily mean there should be no consequences. Trust may be broken by that sin and it would be foolish for someone to trust someone immediately after grievous violations of that trust. So trust must be restored over a long period of time. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we ignore justice. God’s justice and his love are not contradictory. In the cross God displayed his perfect justice and his perfect love. So when we are wronged we can personally forgive to release the chains of bitterness on our souls, then out of love for that person and others who may be harmed by the offender, we should pursue justice. Ultimately, God will deal out his perfect justice to sinners in the end. If the person doesn’t genuinely repent of that sin and come to believe in Jesus they will face the judgment and wrath of God. Justice will be done in the end. Nobody is getting away with anything.
The key to this whole forgiveness thing is in the last two phrases of verse 32. We are to forgive as God, in Christ, has forgiven us. So if you are finding it difficult to forgive, the place to begin then is to reflect on God’s forgiveness of you in Christ. Jesus speaks to this as well. We will talk about this more tomorrow.
Additional Content
Ephesians 2:1–10 1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Reflection
Why do you think it is that you love to see vengeance? Why does that seem to be so satisfying to watch in movies?
What are your other default responses to offenses that have been ingrained in you from the culture, your personality or your family of origin that conflict with God’s justice and forgiveness?
Reflect on any misconceptions of forgiveness that you have come to believe.