THURSDAY
On Tuesday I made the case that I think Moses hid his face from God out of shame. As we continue reading in the story, I think we see further evidence of this to be the case. What follows in the narrative is a long conversation between God and Moses. Today we are just going to look at Moses’ questions that reveal his insecurities. Tomorrow we will look at God’s responses.
Exodus 3:11 11 But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”
On Tuesday, we saw that shame is a matter of identity. It isn’t surprising, then, that Moses’ first question and his primary insecurity is his identity. “Who am I…?” he asks God. He doesn’t say, “Look at what I’ve done.” He is deeply embedded in shame. He was formerly a prince in Egypt. Now he is a poor shepherd in the desert.
Exodus 3:13 13 Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?”
Next he asks about the identity of God. This is likely insecurity about his lack of knowledge. “I don’t know who you are or anything about you, God. So, who should I even say has sent me?” The concept of someone’s name in the ancient world is far more than just a label. One’s name revealed their character and nature. Moses is asking for not only God’s designation but to know something about him.
Skipping ahead to his third question, we see that this question builds on the last one.
Exodus 4:1 1 Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?”
This question gets to Moses’ insecurity about not being persuasive enough. “Even if I know your name, your character and your reputation, how can I know that they will actually believe me?” He tried to position himself as Israel’s leader before and they didn’t follow him. What will make this time different? Moses wants assurance of success. At least in persuading the Israelites to follow him.
God gives him a number of signs to perform that will show that Moses has indeed met with God. We will talk about those tomorrow.
Even after the miraculous signs, Moses is still not convinced. His other objections have been defeated soundly. The last two reveal his stubborn will. He simply doesn’t want to go.
Exodus 4:10 10 Moses said to the LORD, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”
The “pardon your servant” literally means, “let the harm of this come upon me” or “by your leave.” By beginning this way, Moses realizes he is pushing it. He refers to God as “Lord” or “Adonai,” here, emphasizing that he views God as greater than he and knows he may be in for it.
MosesI’m question reveals his insecurity in his ability. The verbiage is vague so we don’t know exactly what he means. It could mean that he stutters or that he doesn’t know Egyptian language very well anymore, being gone for 40 years. Sheep aren’t great conversationalists, so perhaps he feels he has lost his ability to communicate well. Or he is looking back again at his failure to persuade the Israelites to follow him and is again referencing his lack of ability to persuade. It also could be that he is here just kind of grasping at straws and he really doesn’t have a problem speaking. Perhaps he is just looking for anything to get him out of this calling.
It’s interesting to note that in the Hebrew (we can’t see this in English) the “I” is emphasized. Moses is focused entirely on himself.
After this failed attempt, he makes one more final plea.
Exodus 4:13 13 But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”
At this point, all of Moses’ insecurities have been addressed and now it is just a matter of his stubborn will. He just doesn’t want to do it. Up until this point, God has been more than patient with Moses. But at this request “his anger burns” against him. Lest I get ahead of myself, we will look at God’s responses to Moses’ questions tomorrow.
For today we see an example of what shame can do to a person’s soul. Remember, Moses’ shame is likely rooted in his failure. The guilt of his failure has progressed to shame as he asks, “Who am I?” He is insecure about his identity. He is insecure about his knowledge of God’s identity. He is insecure about his ability to persuade. He is insecure about his speaking ability. Ultimately, he stubbornly just doesn’t want to do what God has asked him to do.
Moses is so focused on himself that he cannot see the Creator God of the universe right in front of him. This is the big problem with shame. Our eyes are focused on the wrong person. Our eyes are focused on ourselves and not on God. I’ve heard shame described as pride wrapped in self-disgust. I agree with that assessment, as pride is not only thinking too much of yourself, but thinking of yourself too much. (If I can reverse Rick Warren’s statement that humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.) So the solution for our shame is not only thinking better of ourselves. It is to think more of God. This is exactly God’s response to Moses that we will explore tomorrow.
Additional Content
“Self is the opaque veil that hides the Face of God from us. It can be removed only in spiritual experience, never by mere instruction.” - A.W. Tozer Pusuit of God
Reflection
If this description of shame sounds familiar to you, I would invite you to unpack the roots of your shame first with the Lord in prayer, then with a counselor, a trusted friend or I would be happy to meet with you, as well. Is it rooted in something that you have done, which has become rooted as a part of your identity in your self concept? Is it rooted in something that has been done to you, which you have internalized to be a part of your identity? These are deep and often painful questions, but they are necessary if you are to walk in the freedom of God’s grace. So, again, if you are wrestling with shame in your life, I’d invite you to find the roots of that shame. But don’t do it alone. Bring it to God in prayer and talk it over with a trusted friend, counselor, or pastor.