The last part of hearing one another's stories is to discern and learn. Discernment is a key component of this whole conversation that we cannot overlook. As I said on Sunday people can blatantly lie. More often, however, people over emphasize the parts of their stories that make themselves look better and under emphasize the parts that make them look worse. We all do this so there is no finger pointing going on here, but as hearers of other's stories, we must be discerning.
In the famous story of Solomon's wisdom in 1 Kings 3 we see 2 women coming to Solomon and presenting stories which cannot both be true. Solomon in his wisdom devises a plan to discern which one is telling the truth. Just prior to this story Solomon asks God for wisdom and God freely grants it to him. It may be this story that James has in mind when he says:
James 1:5 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
We need God's wisdom to discern the truth of stories that we here as well as to discern the difference between the story itself and interpretation of the story or the individual's solution to the dilemmas of their story.
When I was in grad school, I did a lot of reading on what was known as the Emergent Church, which disappeared as quickly as it appeared. One of the primary leaders in the movement grew up in an extremely conservative, restrictive church culture (think, women wearing head coverings as soon as they walk into the church building and not being allowed to say a word while in the church, even in the hallway). Many of his critiques of the Evangelical church were based in his early experiences, as well as their lack of concern for the poor, the marginalized and the oppressed, and lack of concern for the environment. These concerns led him to essentially abandon the gospel all-together.
As I read his story, I was able to hear his story and sympathize with the challenges he experienced from his early years in church. I even found myself agreeing with many of the critiques of the mainstream church culture in the west. Yet his proposed solution, abandoning the gospel entirely, was an unnecessary conclusion to draw. I see this all too often today. After deconstructing their faith many people throw the baby out with the bathwater. They abandon the gospel because of their past negative experiences in the church, which is an unnecessary jump to make. Then as they tell their stories, their hearers sympathize with their stories and fail to separate their proposed conclusion from the story itself and walk away with similar conclusions about the gospel.
So we must be careful to always distinguish the story from the interpretation of the story. We can sympathize with the story and even disagree on their interpretation of the story. In any case we must be able to say, "I hear you."
Finally, after the discerning process, we must learn. Whether it is learning to better discern the story from the interpretation of the story or allowing someone's story to inform our understanding of the world and our faith, we must learn. An important part of learning is being willing to adjust our perspectives as we are confronted with credible information. This requires a great deal of humility, discernment and wisdom.